Saturday, December 27, 2014

Dream shards. Hologram

I had a very interesting dream last night, the kind that stays with you even when you have to wake up at 8 to walk the dog.

I have finally started watching Star Trek Voyager after rewatching almost every episode from The Next Generation (yes, I had been putting this off for a looong time). The character I am most impressed with is of course the holographic doctor, since he is surprisingly the roundest character around.

One of the doctor's abilities as a self-conscious hologram was to make himself solid or ethereal at will. Long introduction? Don't worry, we'll get right back to our dream.

In my dream, I was at home with my mother talking in our "blue room", when suddenly an elderly woman with white hair appeared next to us. She was smiling and friendly, however we were terrified and couldn't make any sense of it. She finally led us to believe that she was just a ghost and I was relieved when my hand went right through hers as through smoke. Knowing what she was put us at ease.

As happens with most dreams, the setting changed radically and I found myself in a venue similar to a train station, with lots of staircases leading to different levels. I was still talking to the old woman, when another figure appeared next to us. This time, it was my father, who is no longer among us. I felt a flurry of feelings - happiness, apprehension, doubt. I thought he was another ghost.

But he touched my hand and it was as solid as any other human, so we hugged and talked and talked. I must have also cried a little at seeing him again.

My dream skipped another chapter and I was walking around the stairs on my own, feeling a little uneasy. Every now and then, there were big electricity plugs with lots of cables in them.

My mind put two and two together, however I did not want to believe it. I went to a student whom I knew to have some IT knowledge and asked him "You have good knowledge of technology, right? Please tell me if there are any holographic projectors plugged in around here?"

He didn't say anything, just went to a cord and unplugged it and my father, who was looking at me smiling, disappeared in an instant. I knew then that he had been only a hologram.

I thought a bit about this and how my dreams work. It is as if two parts of my mind compete against each other, one trying to deceive the other and the second doing its best to unravel the former's hidden ploys. I have partial control of both sides, especially the latter, and I can try to turn the dream in a direction I want, but sometimes they both seem to have a mind of their own. And it is not really that bad.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The biggest fool

I fooled myself on April Fool's Day. I fooled myself in a downright terrible way.

It all started with browsing the internet for this or that article about our childhood's sweets, games and cartoons. One thing led to another and I was soon on the path to perdition.

I didn't flinch much while reading heartfelt recounts of things most of my friends shared during the happy school days and how it was all so much wonderful then compared to what today's generation have. I barely blinked. Other people's memories do not impress me so much.

Still, one thing led to another, as it usually happens on the internet. And I started thinking to myself, seeing posts about Sailor Moon and Dragonball, what anime did I like to watch? Nothing in particular came to mind. Manga then? Well, of course, Count Cain. Are the scanlations still around? And I find myself reading the series all over again.

And I was ruefully reminded, like so many times before, that your own memories are the most ravaging for the soul. That the crocodile can cry crocodile tears, even if it tries to force a grin. But it is just fooling itself, horrendously fooling itself.

The cover of the first volume. Artwork by Kaori Yuki.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The paper boat and the crocodile

I'm not one to explain myself too much sometimes, which makes people often get the wrong idea about what I mean by something. "Ok, that's weird", they will laugh and just forget about my little quirks.

I will try to explain myself a little bit now, since with the addition of a wallpaper that I really like, my blog has become a bit of a mix of sorts.

Who is the crocodile? Well, of course, me. It has been a symbol that has come up in various occasions to represent me, mostly by accident and without planning. I am the grinning crocodile, which means I will be quite skeptical and most of all, show my teeth to the world, just to make sure everyone understands things clearly and doesn't require too much explanations. Like I am offering now.

Where did the crocodile come from? Hmm, good question. I suppose it was the quirkiest response I could come up to virtually any question. "What did he find there?" "A crocodile!" Well, it does sound more interesting and snappier in Romanian.

That is pretty much the facade that everyone sees. However, the crocodile is a bit more as well. To those who know how to understand it.

Now, back to my new wallpaper, which is the sort of image I had been looking for ever since trying to give meaning to this blog.

Those who know me and have had the pleasure to see me in an idle moment with paper at hand know that I like to make paper boats. Why paper boats? There is something quite romantic about paper boats, isn't there? A fragile little thing that, if set on water, soon sinks to the bottom. It is an oxymoron... it ought to float, yet paper never manages to do that for more than a few minutes.

This is exactly the feeling I want to convey with my writings, the core meaning of it all.

Now, you may look at the image and consider you have understood it all, or you could hop on in my little paper boat and sail with me on to new realms.
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