Bitesize fiction. Normal

"I understand you have a chemical imbalance in your brain and take these pills to make up for it... but do they really work?"

"That's what the doctors say. But you know, the crazy don't know they're crazy. So it makes no difference if I think I'm normal, but I'm not, or if I think I'm normal and I really am. I need someone else to tell me how I am. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah... It makes sense. So the doctors say you're fine now with these meds. And you believe them?"

"I have no choice. They're the experts, right? Do I seem normal to you?"

"Yeah, pretty much. A bit out of it, that's all."

"It's how the medication works. They normalise the hell out of your brain chemistry, until you are in a constant state of apathy. Feelings don't come on their own, I have to simulate them."

"Ouch, that's harsh!"

"Yes, I need to pay attention and cue the right reaction for the situation at hand. Look. It's Tim's promotion party and I'm doing my best to be happy for him, but it's not really coming out right."

"Ah, don't worry about that... Tim isn't exactly well-liked by everyone in the team. There are lots of people faking being happy for him tonight."

"Heh, you might be right... Say, thank you for hanging out with me. Most people find it hard to talk to me and just avoid me."

"Aw, we're friends. True friends, even if you have to fake being happy to talk to me."

"You deserve the best fake friendship I can muster!"

"Thanks!"

"You know, sometimes I feel like my thoughts are generated without my explicit control. Like my mind just sprouts them on its own. I find myself getting some ideas out of nowhere. For example, the other day, I was walking by the glass wall meeting rooms and my mind wondered what it would be like to kick that wall and break it."

"That sounds a bit extreme. Breaking the glass wall, I mean. Think of the mess. And the reprimand. But I believe you about the mind thinking by itself."

"It often feels like the mind is a constant stream of random stuff and some of it surfaces as a conscious thought. And sometimes it tricks you, to make you think you thought it up, but it was actually your mind. Oh, look at me babbling! I must really seem crazy to you now!"

"Oh, no, not at all, actually -"

From the other side of the room: "Hey, Jenny! Come and have a drink with us!"

"I'd better go mingle, sorry. Duty calls, if I want other people to think I'm normal too, not just the doctors... Please wait for me here, hold that thought. Coming, Tim!"

"Come on Jenny, I'm a manager now. Drinks are on me! Don't just sit in a corner all by yourself."

"But I wasn't by myself. I was with my friend..."

"Friend? What friend? I didn't see anyone with you."