A "why" on parenthood

There is a subject that has preoccupied me quite frequently, due to it being so pervasive in our society. Children. More importantly, the motivation behind procreating.

I have many friends who already have school age children or newborn babies. They often talk about their children, whether prompted to by me or not. It's obvious the children are a big part of their lives, to the extent that their lives are divided between work and parenting. And sleep.

It's interesting though that most of the things they say about their children are what problems they cause or how much of their time they take up. When I ask if they regret the decision of procreating, most of them are quick to say no, then give me some of the happier stories. Some do have regrets though.

We all agree though that children are a great responsibility and require not only money, but a proper education (no, not just the academic one) and attention and affection.

So I would ask them, men and women alike, what motivated them to have babies. The answers vary and are often a mixture of multiple reasons. I've also noticed some of the reasons nobody boasts about, but which are still very obvious. Here they are, in no particular order:

• Societal and familial norms and expectations. Even if we have more freedom to live our lives the way we want, society and our families still expect us to have one course in life: marry and have children.

• The wishes of the spouse. Sometimes, the spouse wants a child and the person in question feels compelled to make that wish come true.

• The idea that the achievements of the child will be considered as achievements of the parents. Some parents will also fulfil some of their own wishes through their children.

• To have someone to leave their worldly possessions to after death. The "carry on the family legacy/name/business/genes" reason will also fit in here.

• To have someone love them and also take care of them when they are ill and/or old.

• As a toy or an excuse to go through childhood again with their child.

• To have someone to own and control completely, at least for a while.

• To have someone to love and care for, at least for a while.

• For money. It happens in Romania at least, where some people have children just to get the child support money that the state gives to everyone monthly.

• Because of no or bad contraception. It's not a motivation, but it is a cause of pregnancy.

There might well be more, but these are the ones I've seen most frequently. Some are a bit disturbing and often lead to unhappiness all around.

The core of the matter is that children are a huge responsibility and the decision shouldn't be taken lightly and definitely not for frivolous reasons.