I crush the cassette in my sweaty palm, hearing the plastic bending, but stopping before cracking it. "So... it's over. You're gone and I never did anything to stop you. If anything, I just pushed you into it, little by little, until you just leaped into the abyss yourself."
My head probably hurts from crying, but the only feeling I can still perceive is the burning hole in my chest and the sickening feeling in my stomach. "You idiot! Why? Why..." I don't even know anymore. The world is trying to spin the other way around and all my words have run dry.
"Come back? I promise to help you, we'll get over this together. We will talk about it like adults, figure out a solution, so you can restore your sanity and be happy. If only we'd have given it a try when we still had the time..."
"I don't even know how the hours and days have passed by. I vaguely remember crying my eyes dry and attending your funeral. I remember your friends and family in black, I remember them glancing at me, whispering among themselves. I know they blame me. I blame myself too, but there is nothing I can do now.
I'm sitting here in front of your grave. Are you there, under that pile of soil? Are you here, an unseen ghost? Can you hear me calling out to you?
I'm sorry! I wish I might have opened my eyes and seen your suffering. I wish I could have returned your feelings."
On your grave, I set down a withering red rose and the bullet you've shot through your heart. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I can't follow you over there. I would only break your heart again. So... sweet dreams."